Spitballs and Crushed Eggs
by seddiefan2009
Summary: Just a collection of iCarly drabbles. Mostly Seddie, but will also include others.
1. Toughen Him Up

A/N: Hey guys, so this is kinda my second attempt at an iCarly fanfic. I've been working on a oneshot that just doesn't seem to be happening. This just popped into my head last night while working on it, it's really more of a drabble. I may add a few more drabbles later although I haven't decided whether they'll be related or not. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!

I can't remember the first time I made fun of him. Or why I did it. But I do know why I continue to make fun of him and I guess, in a way, make his life miserable; because he needs it. The boy has been coddled his entire life, his mother has got to be the most overprotective woman in the world. He needs someone to look out for him, make him a man so to speak.

If I don't do it who will? Spencer?

The boy needs some serious toughening up. I mean he can't even go outside after dark alone without running back inside screaming.

He likes things, like computers, that make the world see him as a dork. In some ways I'm proud that he hasn't changed to try and fit in. But, nonetheless I know that without me as a friend to stop the jocks and bullies from beating him up he would be beaten up a lot more than he is now. And maybe, he wouldn't have had the courage to stay true to who he is.

And, if I'm true to myself I like who person he is. He's one of those rare sweet people whose first thought isn't of himself, but of others. Don't get me wrong, he can be selfish and rude and occasionally he says things that hurt others. But no one is perfect, and he always apologizes when he goes too far.

And if I'm keeping with this stay true to myself thing, I should also admit that torturing him isn't completely altruistic. I am, by nature a selfish person. While beating him up has the advantage of letting me let off steam, it's not the only reason I do it. I also do it because I want him, to be mine. And what fun is it to be with a guy who doesn't fight back when you argue or just lets you beat him with a tennis racket without screaming at back at you?

So now I wait for him to be ready, to be confident in the man that he is, and to be tough enough to stand up to me. I hope it doesn't take long.


	2. Clueless

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…

A/N: This is from Spencer's POV, I was working on iDon't Wanna Live With Him, and this came out instead…

I'm not as clueless as people think I am. People think that because I'm a little zany and always try to lighten the mood I don't see what goes on around me. Well they're wrong.

Sure, Carly gets her way a little too much. But she's a good kid, never been in much trouble and she's been through a lot. Our mom died, slowly a few years back. I was already in college when it happened. Afterwards, something changed inside me. I realized that life is too short to waste it being serious and doing something that I didn't really want to do. So I dropped out of law school.

Unfortunately, Carly also learned a lot from that experience. She learned to be a grown up and take care of people; to put them before herself. I'm not saying that that is a bad thing to learn. It's actually a very good thing to learn. But, I wish she hadn't had to learn it at the age of ten. That's why I'm so happy that she found Sam.

Most people wouldn't be happy about their little sister having a friend like Sam, but it's not like she's ever done anything too bad. She's really good for Carly. She allows Carly to mother her, but also has taught her to have a little fun. Fortunately, hanging around Sam as also taught her not to have too much fun.

Carly's really good for Sam too. She keeps Sam from going too far and doing something she'll really regret. That's why I don't mind her being over all the time and consuming half my food budget. Being here, with Carly and off the street gives her a fighting chance at a nice future and a high school diploma.

As I said before, I'm not clueless. Sam hasn't had the easiest time either. I don't know anything specific, but I do know that her mom is gone a lot and isn't good at planning things. Like dinner. That's why she eats so much, because I'm fairly sure that she knows she won't be able to eat when she gets home.

I know that Sam's mom isn't really a bad person. She's just a little forgetful. Still, I feel bad for Sam and feel like I take at least a little bit of a responsibility to look out for her. Sure she can take care of herself, but why should she have to?

I also feel a little bit of responsibility to Carly's other best friend, Freddie. The kid has been seriously sheltered. He actually thought that watching Carly through the peep hole in his door would be considered romantic. Now I'm not sure exactly what happened to his dad or how much male influence he's had over the years, but I know that he needs at least a little guy time. And I am the closest thing he has to a male role model.

Don't laugh; I can be a role model if I wanna be.

Freddie's also good for Carly. I know that they won't end up together, they're too much alike to make it work, but he's a good friend and Carly can talk to him about things that she can't talk to me or Sam about. Like school or grades. He's a smart little kiddo and he and Carly can have intelligent conversations when they're up to it.

Freddie's also good for Sam. Yeah she picks on him, but after being around him for so long she has learned to follow some of the rules some of the time, which is more than I ever expected. Freddie brings out both the best and the worst in Sam.

Sam and Carly are also good for him. They've helped him in two ways, they're helped him outgrow the weird stage he was in before they started doing iCarly, and they (particularly Sam) have taught him to stand up for himself and fight back.

And I'm stupid either, I know Sam and Freddie kissed. They didn't have to say anything. They've changed since the first kiss incident and while Carly may choose to believe that things changed because Sam finally apologized, it doesn't take a genius to notice that they stare at each other's lips when they think no one is watching.

No, no my friends I am not clueless, that title belongs to my little sister and her odd little friends who have yet to see what is right in front of their faces, because I already have.


	3. My Overbearing Mother

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…

"But Freddie, it's all I've ever really wanted!" Sam pouted, sticking her bottom lip out for good measure.

"No I won't do it!" Freddie shouted in her face.

"But…" Sam started.

"No, I will not tattoo 'Property of Sam' on my lower back!"

"But why not?" She whined at him.

"I don't want a tattoo of a guy's name on my back," he yelled back at her.

"Aww you don't wanna get picked on in the locker room? Well I'll protect you from the big bad football players," she said in a baby voice.

Freddie groaned and looked over at Carly for help.

"Oh no, I'm not involved in this. But you should have known this was coming when you started dating her." Carly reasoned.

Freddie groaned as he looked back over at his girlfriend of six months trying to think of some way out of his current predictament. Suddenly a grin came to his face.

"Okay fine I'll do it. But you do realize that my mom is going to see it and when she does I'm going to be grounded for like forever?"

"So?" Sam asked.

"So that means I can't take you out and buy you stuff, or take you to concerts, or well anything."

Sam groaned, "Okay you don't have to right now. But once you move out you're so getting that tat!"

Freddie smiled, for the first time ever having an overbearing mother had helped him.


	4. Our Dork

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Okay so I am in the process of writing the next chapter of iDon't Wanna Live With Him, but I just my computer back (it was broken) and I'm a little conflicted. While my laptop was out of comission I wrote the first half of two versions of the next chapter, so once I decide which way to go I'll have the next chapter out. Look for it sometime between now and Friday. In the mean time I decided to try my hand at writing Carly's POV. This was inspired by the preview for iThink They Kissed, the look on Carly's face when Sam tells her is awesome! So, as always let me know what you think!

Okay so maybe I don't like like Freddie, but I do like that he likes me. Does that make me a bad person? I mean it's always nice to have someone around who's in love with you and thinks you can do no wrong; and it's not like I lead him on or anything. I always let him know that there's no chance of anything happening between us.

I used to be annoyed by his 'acts of devotion' and I admit that I've been happier since he laid off; but as a teenage girl with a delecate self ego I like that there is a cute guy across the hall who loves me and thinks I'm pretty. It kind of makes me sad to think that could go away. But it will, and I have to accept that the more I say no to him the less hope he'll have.

When he said he wanted Shelby Marx to be his future wife I was conflicted. I like him liking me, but I'm happy my friend is moving on with his life.

Maybe I could like him in a dating kinda way if I let myself. Now anyways, two years ago there would have been no way. But he's changed, calmed down and grown up and I think that maybe I could like the person he's becoming. Only I know that we would never make it more than a few months and it would change everything. It would change the whole dynamic of our friendship, with each other and with Sam.

She would never forgive me for dating a dork, especially our dork. It would prove so many of her insults wrong.

I only hope he doesn't get over this crush too soon. I need the ego boost.


	5. What makes Mrs Benson Tick

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: My theory about Mrs. Benson...

I tried so hard to have him. Lorenzo, Freddie's father had died after only two years of marriage. I loved him so much, it killed me when he was diagnosed with lime disease. He had gone camping and been bitten by a tick. He didn't realize that it had hidden in his leg hair until he got home but by then the damage had been done.

Before he died he made donations so that I could still bear his child. It was something we both wanted. But by the time I worked up the nerve to go through with the pregnancy I was so nervous about all the things that could go wrong that I held him in for eleven months. I just wanted to make sure he was done!

After all I had gone through with my father and the Fencin' Bensons I made it my life's goal to make sure that Freddie was taken care of and loved. That's why I chipped him. How can I take care of him if I don't know where he is?

It was never my intention to embarrass him publicly, there are so many things that could go wrong, so many things that could hurt him, I just want to keep him safe and help him make friends. Ever since he met that Carly Shay and that Sam Puckett his boy chemistry's been all out of wack. He needs more friends, ones that don't hurt his self esteem like those two do.

But I guess my baby boy's growing up. He stood up to me today, and he made me unlock all the channels on his TV. I just can't take this! But I guess maybe I should let me go a little. Like that Spencer keeps telling me, if I don't let him go a little now he won't ever come home once he leaves. That scares me more than anything. I need my baby boy!


	6. Proposal Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing...

Carly sat the table across from her two best friends grinning nervously. Her date was currently dancing on the table in front of them, although surprisingly his shirt was still on his body. She felt a smile grace her face and the heat of a blush on her cheeks as she glanced up him, and then quickly moved her eyes back to her lap.

Gibby moved his arms in a circular motion over his stomach as his hips gyrated from side to side. His eyes were closed as the music controlled his movement.

Sam sat bored as Freddie tried to look anywhere except at the boy currently dancing on their table.

Suddenly Gibby's hands crisscrossed and moved for the hem of his shirt, slowly moving it up his chest, his arms still moving with the beat of the song in the background. He moved the shirt higher before pulling it over his head and swinging it around.

Carly took another nervous glance up and gasped as she saw his stomach. There written on his chest were the words 'will you marry me?' She squealed and jumped on the table, hugging her arms around his midsection and giving him a kiss as she danced spastically next to him screaming, "Of course I'll marry you."

Sam and Freddie looked up as they heard Carly's proclamation, looked to each other and shrugged before sliding out of their booth and dancing next to the table in a similar fashion.

A/N: I don't know why but I've been on a huge Carly/Gibby run lately. Maybe I should stop watching iWin A Date and iHave My Principals. They put those thoughts in my head. Anyways, late me know what you think! Thanks guys!


	7. Just Like My Father

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Every man has a breaking point. Some run away from their problems, like Sam and Carly's dads did. Some shut down emotionally and stop feeling, like my dad did before he died. Others push back because they just can't take it anymore.

I've always done my best not be like my father. My mother and I needed him to let us know that we would be okay once he was gone, but he was too bitter with the world to give us that. And as much as I don't want to, I hate him for it. I hate him for never believing in his own invincibility, I hate him for not getting a life insurance policy so that when he died my mother was left with a stack of bills, a young confused son, no savings, and a nursing job that was only part time. I hate him for not being there when we needed him.

That's why we had to move into Bushwell Plaza in the fifth grade, why I had to change schools midyear and why Sam has made my life miserable since the day I walked into our old elementary school.

But what I hate the most about him is that I'm exactly like him.

I hate that when Sam pushed me too far and told the whole world I had never been kissed anyone I shut down; refused to talk to anyone. I hate that Mom had the same look in her eyes when I refused to talk to her that she had when Dad refused to talk to her.

I hate that when I look in the mirror I see him starring back at me.

The pain of becoming your own worst nightmare is unbelievable. The pain of realizing that your two best friends are moments away from death and you're too frozen to move to help them is worse than being stabbed a thousand times over. Combine the two, the fear and realization that he would act the same way in the same situation, and well it's enough to send you into a spiraling vortex of depression and anger.

It's so much worse than anyone could ever imagine. It's suffocating, it's unbearable, it over takes your entire body in a millisecond and degrades you until you can feel nothing but the overwhelming weight of it crushing your chest.

All you want is relief, to feel something, anything else. But nothing helps.

I watch Carly and Sam deal with their own anger issues. Carly rants and raves, vocalizes it all in her own passionate way. She morphs it into worry and then smothers those around her with it. Sam goes a more physical approach, but still utterly the same. She kicks and screams, turns it into physical aggression which is then spread around to anyone in throwing distance.

But I know that I can't ever do that; turn my anger into something else. It's too raw, too potent, too powerful.

All I want is relief. For one moment, for one small millisecond. Relief from the pain, relief from the charade I'm forced to participate in every minute of every day. Relief from wearing the mask I'm forced to put on every day. I wonder what would happen if Carly or Sam or my mother knew what was under the surface. What's under the happy go lucky tech nerd.

The crimson red warmth floods my scenes, grants me the momentary relief from myself and my heart. It provides that only distraction that works. I learned long ago that bringing the razor to the bruises Sam gave me the day before works the best. No one questions a small cut on a bruise if I slip up and they see it, not even Sam herself.

The brief period of euphoria overrides my scenes, making my eyes cross and mind swim.

I hear my mother knock on the door and ask if I'm okay. I yell back the truth, of course I'm okay. She leaves as I wash and treat the cut and then soap up the razor and rinse it off so it'll be ready for the next time I need it.


	8. Phone Call

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sam Benson sat quietly on the sofa, her legs propped up in the other end of the couch. Her large stomach was covered by a blanket and a plate of ham that she was happily munching on. The TV was on mute, and there were no other sounds to be heard in the moderately sized house. Her laptop was on the table displaying an open, yet empty word document. She was supposed to be writing a paper for one of her classes, but it had been put on the back burner when she felt the sudden uncontrollable need for ham.

She reached back for another slice only to realize that it was gone. Sighing loudly she picked up the phone laying nest to her and pressed the number two button and held it until she heard ringing.

Freddie answered on the second ring, "What?"

"Well well, did your mother never teach you the proper way to answer a phone Benson?"

She heard him groaning through the phone, "Oh I don't know how to answer the phone? What about you miss "what the hell do you think you're doing calling me?" Freddie retorted trying to sound like his wife.

Sam snorted, "Work on your impressions dork."

Freddie let off a small laugh, "Did you need something?"

"Ham," She said happily, dreaming of the meat product.

"Of course, why didn't I guess that?" She could hear his smirk over the phone.

"Don't know. Guess you've forgotten everything you learned at orientation." She smirked right back.

"Well then I guess you'll just have to refresh my memory when I get home, huh?"

"Guess so," She responded before adding, "Hey I gotta write this paper I'll see you when you get home."

"Sounds good. Good luck. Love you."

"Love you too."

A/N: No real point, at all, just a fluffy little drabble.


	9. Crazy Reactions

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"She has a date with Gibby," Sam spat at Freddie as he walked into the apartment.

"Really?" Freddie smiled, "That's great!"

Sam was slightly thrown off by his response and quickly moved to stand in front of him, "Great? This is not great! Do you realize that when I walk down the halls now people are going to point at me and say, 'there goes the best friend of the girl whose dating Gibby.'" She ranted, swinging for arms around so violently that Freddie had to duck to avoid being hit.

Freddie and Carly just laughed, and Freddie replied, "Oh please I doubt they'll do that after you beat up the entire grade for saying things about us."

Sam just grunted and grabbed Freddie by the collar, "So maybe they won't say that to my face but what'd ya think they'll say about you huh? What'll they say about the guy who's been in love with Carly for the past decade, but got turned down for Gibby!"

"Um I think they'll say he got the better girl," Freddie replied nervously, eyes darting from his girlfriend to his best friend hoping he hadn't just caused himself monumental trouble.

Carly just shook her head and smiled at him, nothing was bringing her down from her high, plus she understood what he meant.

Sam just glared at Freddie with murderous eyes as he backed out the open door, followed closely by his girlfriend.

Carly just continued smiling, until she realized that the dance was the next night and she had nothing to wear.

"Spencer!" She screamed.

Spencer came running out of his room in a Galaxy Wars bathrobe, hair going in every which way.

"I need to go to the mall. I have a date tomorrow night."

"Okay well you have money, you and Sam can go," Spencer answered running a finger through his hair and then bringing it to nose to sniff it.

"I don't think Sam wants to come with me," Carly explained, shaking her head, "And what did you get in your hair?"

"Why wouldn't Sam want to go with you?" He was answered by Freddie's screams of "No Sam, not there!" Coming from the next apartment, both doors having been left open.

"I don't know what's in my hair, but let me wash it out and I'll take you," Spencer shook his head and then sniffed his finger again, "Seriously what is this?"

A/N: This was actually an outtake from Glittery Plans but it didn't fit into the flow properly so I cut it out, but i liked it so much I had to post it. Thanks for reading guys!


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